


True colors

by BaneKicksDavid



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, M/M, the night before coming out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 21:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16026590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaneKicksDavid/pseuds/BaneKicksDavid
Summary: A sharp intake of breath, a shaky exhale, and Hikaru continued. “What if they don’t love me anymore? You know…after they know.”





	True colors

**Author's Note:**

> God I don't know how long this fic has been written, but it's probably been at least a month. It's one of those fics I wrote to work through some thoughts and feelings myself, and I'm glad I did. Now...I'm posting it. Enjoy?

“I’m scared.”

Nothing else. They were the only ones, pulled from wherever and placed into the open air as if they were the most logical step in the conversation to fill the natural silence that had fallen between them. It had made sense, the lack of banter between them that had become so natural. A movie meant not as much talking, after all.

Yabu paused it. He knew this had been something Hikaru had chosen, something he had been interested in for weeks and hadn’t been able to stop talking about it. He wanted to share the experience with Yabu, see what he liked and disliked. Talk about everything once the credits had rolled, but now…Yabu wasn’t sure Hikaru was as invested as he originally believed.

He waited. Waited for Hikaru to continue, fingers trembling in his lap, eyes focused on the gentle curves and folds of them, and Yabu wondered how long he hadn’t been watching their movie. He wasn’t sure, and he didn’t know if Hikaru would even admit it.

A sharp intake of breath, a shaky exhale, and Hikaru continued. “What if they don’t love me anymore? You know…after they know.”

Immediately, he knew what was plaguing Hikaru’s mind, everything that would follow tomorrow. The long train rides, renting a car, driving into the mountains to visit some of the people Hikaru cared about the most. Siblings and nieces and nephews and parents.

But Yabu knew he couldn’t pull Hikaru into his arms, how he rejected big gestures of affection when he became terrified. How he pulled and puled away until there wasn’t an ounce of himself left and all that was left was fear. Small things, warm hands covering his, small strokes of Yabu’s thumb on the back of his hands, sweet smiles, were things he responded more to. He welcomed more than anything

“It’ll be okay,” Yabu spoke softly, keeping his touch light on Hikaru’s hands. “Your parents love you, and they’ll want to know who you really are.”

“But what if they don’t?” The tremble in his hands became more apparent. “I’ve read…I’ve read a lot of stories. The ones people post online? How their parents reject them once they know and cut them out of the family. I can’t…I can’t think about that.”

There was a closeness to Hikaru’s family that Yabu could never quite understand, He himself only called his parents every so often, only when big events happened in his life or theirs, not wanting to stay too close. They accepted his lifestyle choices but didn’t like it. In return, they had drifted.

Hikaru…his family was his world. He called his parents every day to check in, video chatting with his sister and brothers when they had time, shopping for presents for his nieces and nephews when he had a little extra cash to spare. They loved each other in a way that words couldn’t properly define, and it was beautiful to see.

“Your siblings know, right?” Yabu said, his voice still soft. “They’ve accepted you.”

“But my parents still think we’re just roommates,” Hikaru countered, his voice following the tremble of his hands. “Do you know how much my heart breaks when they ask about you? ‘How is your roommate doing? Is Kota okay?’ I want them to know I’m just…I’m scared.”

He wanted to kiss Hikaru, tell him how much he loved him through actions and not words. How everything would be okay as long as they had each other and how everything wasn’t completely lost. Siblings were still a part of your family, but it wouldn’t fill the void of parental love Hikaru craved. But a kiss…a kiss wouldn’t solve his worry. It wouldn’t heal the pain Hikaru felt, so Yabu didn’t move.

“I don’t want to disappoint them.”

Yabu freed himself from Hikaru’s hands, taking Hikaru’s face into his hands and making his boyfriend look into his eyes. He could see the tears forming, the little droplets set in his eyes, and oh so badly did he want to pull Hikaru into his arms. Not yet…not just yet.

“You are an amazing man,” Yabu said, trying to keep the tremble out of his voice. “You’re so talented. With your music and lyrics. Your art and your dancing. You have so much to offer the world. How could your parents not be proud of you?”

Silence.

Before a little tremble, a feeble, “I don’t know,” filling the room.

“I see everything so wonderful about you. It’s the reason I fell in love with you and why anyone would be lucky to have your love,” Yabu continued. “Any of our friends, me, your siblings, even your parents. You have so much love and compassion inside of you it amazes me every single day that I’m lucky enough to have a bit of that love focused on me.”

“Kota…”

“Hikaru…your parents are insane if they can’t look past your sexuality to see the man you are and the man they’ve cared about for twenty-seven years.” He could feel the tears welling up in his own eyes, and he hoped he could keep them down until he was finished speaking. “And if they can’t…then they’re missing out on one hell of an individual because I think you’re amazing.”

His breathing was difficult, struggling to capture it after his long speech, but even then…Hikaru said nothing.

“I know it’s all words,” Yabu spoke once more, rubbing Hikaru’s cheeks affectionately. “I can’t take away your fear and uncertainty, but I’ll be here. Every step of the way I’ll be here no matter how tomorrow goes.”

For the first time in a long time, Hikaru moved, pulling Yabu into a tight hug, his head resting on Yabu’s shoulder.

Yabu wasn’t sure how long they sat there, holding each other, the silence of their apartment deafening as he waited, but he kept a firm hold on his boyfriend. This is what Hikaru needed, and he wouldn’t be the one to pull away first.

Until two words filled Yabu’s ears, and he knew, at least for tonight, everything would be okay.

“Thank you.”


End file.
